A Letter to a Friend

This is a letter I sent to a friend, discussing matters of faith. I hope maybe this is enlightening for anyone else who reads it.

Sorry its been so long. Chunks of time are few and far between but I have some now and I want to address some of the things you said in your e-mail.

About the lack of authenticity you feel at church:

This is why I didn't like, still don't like, and never will like the Catholic church. Or the concept of church. Or religion. I hate all of it. Jesus uses the word church twice in the gospels, in reference to the body of beleivers, and never to a building. You answered your own question in your e-mail. Why should people need other people to lead them in worship, in order to know God? They don't. Your faith is personal, and you take responsibility for it. It shouldn't matter what other people think about it. Don't worry about the people at your church, maybe they have faith and maybe they don't, but don't let that affect your faith. Christianity is a relationship with God, who's Word is manifested in the person of Jesus Christ. That's the only guy who we depend on for our faith. Christianity is about Christ, not people who call themselves Christians. I challange you to leave the church, to work out things on your own. There is just as much spiritual deadness and hypocrisy in the so-called church, if not more, than anywhere else in the world. Its great to spend time with people of your same faith, and worship God, and that's why church is awesome, but don't depend on it for your faith. The fact that people feel "closer to God" when they watch you play is a testament to the power of music to carry you away, and put you on another plane spiritually. Yet a feeling in itself is not true faith, and you are correct in being skeptical. And just because you lack faith right now doesnt mean that God can't use your music to affect you in all kinds of things. God uses everything to his ends. Men create pain and spearation from God and each other through their rebelliousness and the evil that they do, but God takes that and repares it and makes it whole and beautiful again.

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Romans 5: 7-11

God heals and fixes what we break. Just because we screw things up, or just because we may not be doing something for the right reasons doesn't mean that God can't turn that around and use it for good. When people were preaching the gospel back in the day just to bring Paul down and bring attention to themselves and did so without any real faith, Paul says this:

"But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice."
Philippians 1:18

About your statement: I'm not sure if faith is for everyone...

Religion is not for everyone. It's not really for anyone. It's a human construct, designed by men to try to fit God into a managable box so we can have both God and worldly things at the same time, get our "spiritual high" at church and then go live like dogs the rest of the week. If that is what you are referring to, then your correct, absolutely. But if by faith you mean "a belief in Jesus Christ, that he died for us and lived a life perfectly in accordance with the will of God" then that statement doesn't make any sense. Either Jesus is who he says he was, or he wasn't. Those are the only two possibilities. So, if he was, then faith in him is without a doubt for everyone, because by accepting the Holy Spirit into our hearts, believing that we are reconciled to God, and living life by the example he set for us because we beleive him when he said he was the "truth, the way, and the life", we are set free. If he is not who he says he was, then faith is for no one, because there is nothing to have faith in and there is no power in the things we say that we beleive. And that is what you must decide for yourself, and I challange you to read the Bible and live it out and learn about that power for yourself, irregardless of other people's opinions, for what do they matter! They live for temporal things, transitory things, things that flash and burn and die in a plume of smoke. It's true that a lot of people are weak, that they hide behind their faith and use it as a crutch because they are too scared to think for themselves, yet are not bold enough to actually live out a life in service of God, in accordance with his teachings. They taste neither the rushing highs and lows of money, sex, drugs and power nor the peace and strength that comes from true faith. They are slaves to a law they don't fully beleive in, and slaves to the world around them! How unhappy are people like this. You and I have never been these people. We always have sought after truth. When we lived apart from God, we sought after all of the pleasures of the world, testing each and being disappointed over and over again. We know that there's more to life than that. We both want freedom, and were scared away by church and the Bible and people who lived joyless lives in service of God's law without knowing God. But the follower of Christ tastes life and freedom in its completeness. Everyone's a slave to something. I am choosing to bond myself to the will of God, to righteousness, to eternal Love, and in doing so I free myself from the passions that have held me back for so long. I am happiest in communion with God, worshipping him, talking about him, studying and discerning his will. What purpose to we have here, if not to glorify him?

"What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

"I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 15-23b

That right there says it better than I ever could. am by no means am I pretending to be some pillar of godliness here. You know me. But God is righteous, and when I seek him, and join myself to the body of Christ, than I am made holy. And I'm learning...slowly.

Freedom in Christ

Come take my hand,
You pinstriped Rapunzels with barcoded windows and doors.
The body of Christ has eyes that see,
You proud, myopic fools!
You yearn to be gods,
Though the Living God yet dwells within you!

Throw down the stones,
Break the chains by selling all but your Self,
For therein lies the Carpenter's bench,
Which cannot be broken.
Clean up your Temple,
Providing light for the work of the Holy Ghost.

Let's raze to the ground
These monolithic penetentiaries.
Come dance and sing the Song of Life
With me, O Children of God!
Let's raise our hands
With cries of joy and dance among the rubble.

Tear down your towers
For the Lord Himself lives not among the stars
But in the slums and in the hearts
Of all who bleed His Blood.
Burst forth from the womb
And free yourselves in faith to Love, and to Live!

A Sea, Black with Ink

This seemed

To me

The place

To be -

Interred

Beneath

The ink

Black Sea.

You and

I did

Settle where

Our words

Composed

The life

We Shared.

Each breath

Became

A tale

Of years

The air

We breathed -

Our hopes,

Our fears -

So never could

An idle phrase

Pass from

Your lips

To mine.

______

Now when

I wake

At night

I see

White lights -

Not stars,

But just

As bright -

Burn by

The things

I meant
And said
Upon

The Isle

Of your
Godhead.
Beacons -
With pure
Intent,
Of course -
Will coax
Me in
With no
Remorse,
Reminding me
The price that's paid

For naked honesty.

The calming peace of a cloudless sky...

Kevin sent this to me. If you had a pulse during middle school, I know you bought Everclear's "So Much for the Afterglow" album (still great), and this is the PSA that they borrowed from...like Kevin says, pretty funny, but mostly pretty scary...

This post is taken mostly from a conversation we had, prompted by this video and the many discussions/revelations we've inspired in each other in the past, so it may seem a little disjointed. I've always had trouble thinking linearly anyway. Feel free to point out any points that seem a little sketch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TlXW4pA-Hc

The fact that this obviously appealed, or at least was thought to potentially appeal to a specific audience begs questions about the ways in which we view life, especially in America. Is this attitude limited to the middle class suburban culture of the 1950's? We say this is scary, but why? Wouldn't life be easier if we were zoned out all the time, disabling all of the mind's mechanisms that make it capable of worry, and thus dissolving the need for compassion?

Take this scenario: Suppose someone invented a machine that allowed a man to plug in and have any experience he wanted. The limits of pleasure are limited only to what the mind can conceive. Literally, there is no god but your mind and it's bountiful creative energy. Would you plug in? If you would, would you ever plug back out? In your mind's eye, you would never age, and would die only when your physical body could not longer sustain itself. Of course, your experiences would not be "real" and there would be no interaction with others, and none of the pain and the worry that results. Still, this idea is appalling to me and to most others (I hope).

Why?

I think the natural distaste for this idea stems from the implacable responsibility we feel to something greater than ourselves. This proves once and for all that we as humans have a natural tendency to gratify ourselves only (thus the initial attractiveness of the notion of an experience machine, or an ataraxic medicine) but all except the most vile and worthless of men will ultimately reject such an offer upon examination of their selves and the discovery of their souls. If you reject God, ask yourself, why? Is it because you truly do not believe? Because if you don't, and there is nothing to live for beyond the here and now, life becomes nothing more than a collection of pleasurable experiences, and that machine becomes much more attractive, irresistible even. Listen to the promptings of your inner self, and ask why they persist.

Some people find the idea of revealed religion to be distasteful because it seems too easy. Out of the seemingly infinite explanations for existence, how can we decide on one in specific? I am quite sure there is a God, and for me it only seems logical that this God would not create an entire species of man only to watch it destroy itself. He wants Himself to be sought after and discovered, and so follows a (relatively) brief summation of what faith is to me.

Why do we assume that because there are an inifinite number of possibilities for something that none of them can be true?

That's a logical fallacy. Something must be true. Sure, every reality is just as unlikely, so why NOT this one? There is an undeniable Truth about our existence that is. Somewhere. Maybe this will be answered in death, maybe it won't. Life, for me, is a process of having experiences, and trying to find answers by drawing the most logical conclusions that I can from those experiences. It's imperfect, as I am imperfect, but I want to be as sure as possible about the life that I lead and why I make the choices that I do. But at the same time, it is important to discuss things of this nature with those whose opinions I respect, to try to correct inherent biases and imbalances in my judgment.

I think life, true life, begins and ends with one seminal decision. Do we exist for a higher purpose? If we think of life, or at least the quest for meaning, as a highway (lame metaphor, I know, but useful) then we can consider this initial choice akin to entering the on-ramp. If you say, yes, I find the notion that we are alive for no further purpose than to eat, sleep, laugh, and fuck to be the most horrifying thing we can conceive of, then you get on and start your quest. If you say, I'm perfectly happy thinking of myself as nothing more than a corpse-to-be at varying stages of decay, then fine. You never get on, and all life's questions are answered.

Here's the problem: most people go through life without even realizing that they must, at some point, make this choice. Or worse yet, they make this choice without thinking about it or because someone else told them to make it. This is the source of a half-life, a life filled with compromise. This is the sort of life that 99% of Americans lead, and it's sad, man. Many say they do not beleive in God. Fine, I can respect that, but only as long as you realize the implication of the choice you made by not getting on that on-ramp. You are now, in your own worldview, nothing more than a hyperintelligent animal. Your life is worth no more than the pig you grilled up for breakfast, or the tree you chopped down in the forest to fuel the fire to cook that pig. You have no right to idealistic moralism, because you have forfeited the notion of a soul. If you believe you have a soul, you believe there is a god of some sort. The soul is immaterial and therefore could not have simply "evolved".

People are unsettled by the reality of life alone in the universe. They want to be freed from religious constraints, or simply dismiss the concept of a higher being that they can't see as "silly and unprovable". So they do the unthinkable: they reject the spiritual realm yet use spiritual justifications for their actions. How many people do you come across today who say, "Well gee, how can you believe in God? That's ignorant. I don't believe in God, I only beleive in being a good person."

Um...what?

Who defines your concept of good? What is "good" in a universe without consequence? What does a "good" person do? What reason is there to do "good" to your fellow man except for some uncertain hope of reciprocation? From a survivalist standpoint, which is what you are embracing if you reject God completely, right and wrong are no longer definable, there are simply those things that promote your own welfare and those things that hinder it. Those who then bring moral values into the argument are making themselves slaves to the very traditions and religious institutions which they openly mock, without any of the joys and rewards of opening seeking and knowing God. The closest example of a truly "devout atheist" that I can think of are the great "communist" leaders of the 20th century, like Stalin and Mao, or maybe Hobbes, who paints a bleak picture of men in their natural state in "Leviathan". If hell is a world that exists apart from God, I think men like these give us a fair glimpse into what that might look like, moreso than the classical Christian view of a red goat poking you with a trident.

This, then is my dilemma. I refuse to live a life of compromise, tasting neither victory nor defeat in exchange for an ataraxic existence. This isn't to say that I have never compromised myself (those of you who knew me in high school knows that I did this shamelessly and often) or that I will never do so in the future, but my goal is to purge myself of as many inconsistencies in character as possible. Since a life lived without God is certainly not worth living, I hope to live a life for Him. I don't know exactly what He looks like, or what a life lived in pursuit of Him looks like, but I'm trying.

To go back to the highway metaphor, there are many questions along the way at which point I can choose to struggle for an answer and keep going or give up and get off. Is the worship of God an individual or collective effort? Is he omnipresent and consistently involved or the clockmaker setting the world in motion? I've answered these questions in my own way and have support for all of these beliefs, and I will continue to run into questions that I haven't even thought of yet that will cause me to stumble on my path, but that's the most wonderful part of life, the eternal struggle between the forces behind that commercial and all that is signifies and the Truth that floats just out of reach in the chasm between myself and the Almighty.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not religious. Religion is man's struggle to put God on a leash in a zoo to gape and gawk at, until He bores them and they can go about their day. But I do believe without a doubt that God is out there, and if He is, I cannot conceive of a reason why He would allow His creation to run amok, and would allow Himself to go unheard and unseen. There must be something to bridge the gap between our egotistical natures apart from God, and the harmony that he desires between us and Him, and ourselves and each other. The joy that we get from compassion, from seeing others exalted, is God's way of speaking to each of us, and the solution that solves this problem best for me lies in the person of Jesus Christ, who lived a pure life and died a blameless death.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" - Hebrews 11:1

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." - James 1:5-6

Chase

“If not,” I wonder, where now would I be?
If not for all Your thunder and Your tiresome, meddling Grace;
If not, if You could only set me free.

If not for our apostate tendency;
If not for the unspeakables that I read in her face
If not, I wonder where now we would be.

If not were I anchored in your shoreless sea;
If not, if only that gulf of years could I erase;
If not, if you could please just set me free.

If not so brightly shone His light on me
If not, lit only by the stars could I her path retrace?
If not, I wonder then where I would be.

If not, if Your love weren’t a guarantee;
If not, then I would still be run down by this worldly chase.
But if not, then only You can set me free.

If not by my own dirt-stained hand I bleed,
If not, I rise and fall, filled with His breath always.
“If not,” I wonder, where now would I be?
If not, if You could only set me free.

We drift like lifeless satellites, dreaming dreams as one,
Till we assume the hands of the Carpenter and raise the beams as one.

Light collides with my eyes and shatters; I gather fragments in the dark,
My thousand lazy suns are candles; so brightly gleams His one.

The complacent soul totters in dutifully to add links to his chain.
Each heart’s a temple, not a prison, though it often seems as one.

Old times, we whisper back and forth, each word a wasted kiss.
We see each other in ourselves, two souls redeemed as one.

I’m near You closest when I fear You, and love You still the same,
Two brilliant converse faces, binding two extremes as one.

I may never know the way you taste but still, I’ve heard you sing
And I know you’ve dreamt of a time when you and I convene as one.

Go forth, He says, and join My body, be its faithful tongue
Draw a roaring river from all My wayward streams, as one.

Mirrors

The human soul is a liquid mirror
that wells inside as we are filled
to the brim with Life-giving waters:
Washing away the stain of sin,
Expanding as we learn and grow
to reflect a partial revelation
of His unfathomable visage.

And when that same light from your eyes
in abundance overflows,
in a moment I know what it means to wait.
For surely there will come a time
when there is no more yours and mine
and we, as one, become His alone.

Yet try as I might I can’t forget
that phantom flame as it burns dull,
the folly of transgressions past.
And as you fade into that realm
I smile sadly, powerless,
And thank the Lord for second chances.